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Remember Shahbaz Chaudhry, the victim of child abuse who threatened to commit suicide live on the show last year? It is a giant, tawdry fishing trip to round up the broken and the vulnerable. "Hello, Tanya," says Big Brother, in the famous trademark monotone. Or his housemate, anorexic Nikki Grahame, who spent much of her youth in psychiatric clinics and flaunted her obsessive compulsive disorder to the world? Or Pete Bennett, whose inclusion despite suffering from Tourette's Syndrome prompted an outcry from mental health charities? I use a combination of lies and truth, flagging up any neurosis and dysfunction. It says that by signing this form, I give Big Brother the right to use my information for any purposes to do with the making of the programme. "Hello, Big Brother," I say for the first time, and I am amazed by how easily the words come. Enjoy vicious HD Porn Videos with hot curvy models!At a conference centre in Birmingham I am queuing to audition for Big Brother 8. "We could just pick up Big Brother housemates at a railway station, but we might end up with some murderers," he says. I talk on and on, feeling fascinating and very vulnerable, while he makes notes and strokes his chin.

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Our tube site is one of better places to enjoy Amateur porn vids. I present myself as single, unemployed, neurotic and incapable of having a healthy relationship with a man. I am snobbish and rude, suggesting that I will be a divisive presence in the house. Big Brother's symbol is a huge gleaming eye and I am about to stare right into it. When I reach the front of the queue at the first Big Brother audition (it takes three hours), I am put in a group of ten and interrogated by people from its production company. It is January and the Channel 4 reality TV show is casting its net throughout the land for housemates whose antics will appal and entertain us in equal measure during the summer. He asks me if I orgasm during sex and if I have masochistic sexual fantasies, and if I do, when did they begin? The queue at the Thinktank centre is, predictably, a magnet for the dispossessed. Because behind the "entertainment" - the gossip, the nudity, the fights - there is a heart of darkness on the Channel 4 schedules. He tells me that my desire to go on Big Brother suggests I may be a masochist. But as Big Brother 8 begins its interminable run on Channel 4, it is a very different story.

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